Ugh, In too deep!

We have gotten a whole slew of new members and we've become quite popular on campus! It's pretty great! Fallon is now a full member and I am so happy that she is! She's moving in when Jayla graduates, which is a sore topic for me......I'm going to miss her SO much! She's been my rock and I don't know what I'm going to do without her!

We also got Jennifer to pledge with was really excellent. She is a really nice girl and Fallon wants to move her in when Jane graduates.......I know she's her friend but there are girls who pledged before Jennifer and we can't let her move in before them......besides, she's just a sophmore, she has plenty of time to live in the house......being a member is great enough, ya know?

Chris Straight is going to be moving in next actually. She's Jayla's protege and Jayla has high hopes for her. Since I'm taking over now, all these decisions will be left up to me. It kinda sucks because I don't want to dictate these girl's lives! Anna is moving up in the ranks to help me manage the house and she will get Jayla's private room as well. Seeing as how her love life has been lately, that queen size bed will come in handy!

Ah, the cheerleader......Karen Shankel annoys the hell out of everyone who crosses her path, but Anna picked her and now she's a member......she gets yelled at alot by the other girls when she starts those stupid cheers. I doubt we'll have a space for her in the house.....at least not before I graduate!

Remember what I said about Anna's love life? Her and Gilbert have been spending quite a bit of time with one another. I don't know, he's kinda dorky.......and I've caught him checking out some of the other girls.....but hey, he's a guy........guess it's kinda hard NOT to look when you're surrounded by beautiful, young women!!

Ok, so we're having another party......hey, we ARE a sorority house! And this is a special party. Jayla is graduating this semester and this will be her last official Hoh Fruhm Party.......it just makes me so sad! I figure I better get my assignment done before the party really gets started or it might not get done!

Asia announced to us that she's gay.....big surprise! I've never seen her so much as FLIRT with a guy since I've known her.....it's not big deal for any of us and she's aware that none of us swing that way so live and let live! I hope she can find a nice chick to hang out with........God, see what Cal is doing to me? Geez, that was......MUSHY......oh, that is so not me!

Same crew, different party! We get the occasional first timer at our parties, but for the most part, it's the same people. Which is fine by me.....don't want any jerks showing up trying to crash the party.

Jayla rarely drinks but she decided since this is her last party here at the house to go all out! We set up a keg in the living room and made sure the beer was flowing all night! I don't usually drink either, but like I said, this is a special party!

Chris is loving being a part of Hoh Fruhm. I can see the potential in her that Jayla sees too. She's a really nice person and all the girls love her. I'm pretty sure she will be the next girl to move in after Fallon. We've got to get some new pledges too......gotta have somebody to clean up after these parties! Yea, we could hire a maid, but watching pledges do it is more fun!

Cal and I seem to gravitate towards each other all the time. In a room full of people, we're still together......I think I'm about ready to give up fighting this.....I mean the more I fight against Cal, the more he just wiggles his way into my life, and heart.......I just don't know what he'll do with it once he has it though.......

Like I said, I don't drink much, but who can resist the pull of a tapped beer keg? Alcohol goes straight to my head, which is why I don't drink it.....that and the fact that my loser dad use to drink when I was little.......but oh, does it give me confidence! I feel bold........

Mmmmmm......been wanting to do that all night.....yea I guess I need to have that talk with my sister.....cuz I can see where this is headed......and I have no idea what to do once it gets there!

So, when I got up this morning, I called both my sisters to see if they could make it for lunch. RJ was busy at the boutique, but Gabby said she could make it.....I don't even know how to start this conversation off.....I hate talking about feelings and kissing, and.......well, sex......it makes me feel dirty which I know its silly, but there it is......

We decide to meet at a little restaurant downtown. I see my little cousin Christa.....yes, she's pregnant.....it's such a shame too because she's a beast on some drums! She plays as good as any drummer I've ever seen.....I don't know what's going to become of her now.......

She got knocked up by some loser in college who doesn't want anything to do with the baby. The last time I talked to her, she was talking about going to college so she could get a better job to take care of her baby.......I just hope Kasha and Craig offer to keep the baby while she goes to school.....I mean, a baby plus college work will be almost impossible for a single mom......Especially one as young a Christa.........

So we sit down and automatically Gabby starts grilling me.

"So what's with this guy you can't keep your hands off of?" she asks.

"God, Gabby do you have to say it like that?"

"Like what? You and Cal have been pawing at each other like crazy.....How do I know this? Cuz you won't shut up about it!"

"Geez, I knew I should have gone to RJ with this......"

"Come on sis, I'm joking. I know how it feels. It's how I felt when I was in love with Clay in college," she said.

"There are two things wrong with that. One, who says I'm in love with Cal? I like hanging out with him and kissing him.....and touching him.....but that's lust, not love. And I don't want to be compared to you and Clay! What if Cal turns out to be like Clay?"

"Well, one, you ARE in love with Cal. E, there's nothing wrong with being in love.....it's a great thing.....yes, Clay broke my heart, but I have two gorgeous kids out of that rotten relationship with him.....and then I met Taj, and nothing could be better. Two, Cal is Cal and you are you. You guys aren't like anybody else and you have to stop comparing yourself to other people......What would be so wrong with taking a chance?"

"He could break my heart, that's what. I don't want my heart broken Gabby. I just want it to be fun.....like it was in the beginning," I said.

"It's never been just fun. The first time you ever mentioned Cal to me, you kept talking about this connection you guys share......E, he just might be the perfect guy for you.....not a perfect guy, but perfect for YOU. Sweetie, you're already in too deep......Better just enjoy the ride!"

"Speaking of rides, so when are you going to do the deed?" she asked.

"Ewww, Gabby.....the deed? I don't know.....it could happen at anytime with the way we are when we're alone. I don't know....."

Well, I can't tell you what to do. Only you know when you're ready.....but I can tell you this, BE SAFE! I love my kids but if I could pick a different dad for them, I would!," she said.

"I will......if I even go through with it......I get so nervous around him......then he starts kissing me and my brain just shuts down......he really is an amazing kisser."

"E, it sounds like you've already made up your mind.....just approach it the way you do your music. I've seen you write songs. You just jump right in and express yourself....this is no different. There are chances with everything that you do that it won't work out.....but for every chance you take, the more likely you are to find something really good. That's how I found Taj," she said.

"You're such a hopeless romantic......but I love you anyway.....thanks for coming to talk to me Gabby," I told her.

"E, you're my sister, same dads are not. I love you."
"Love you more."

She had given me alot to think about.....now what do I do with it?

I still don't know what to do, so I've decided to do what I feel. Saying that Cal is surprised is an understatement....he's not use to being attacked! But I'm tired of fighting this.......it's a losing battle and maybe if I just cave in just this once, I can get him out of my system and things will be ok again......

"Are you sure about this Ambrel? We can get up right now and go out somewhere......but you have to tell me like now.....cuz being alone with you kinda fries my brain and I don't think your window of opportunity is open for much longer.....," he said.

"Cal, I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't know how I will feel in the morning or if this will last. But I do know that since being with you, I've started to see the good of love. And even if it doesn't last beyond tonight, I want a piece of that good side."

"Then come here."

And he held me close and told me that he would make sure that no matter what happened, I would never regret my time with him. That he would show me, once and for all, that we belong together and always have.......and always will......and then he showed me........

Oh, yea.......I'm definitely in too deep now........and you know what.....I don't think I care any more........